I can’t believe it’s already been 6 months, 6 crazy months of watching you grow, learn, and take in the new world around you. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about all of the “things” you’ll need or things I need to do – I wish I just took it all in and marveled in you just being here because you really are doing very well and are thriving. Everyday you surprise me with what you do – I’m not keen enough in “babyisms” to know if you are ahead, behind, or just right and really I don’t care at this point. You’re healthy, you’re happy, and you make your daddy and me smile.
I won’t pretend that having you both doesn’t have its difficult moments. No less than three times per week I cry inconsolably out of exhaustion and being overwhelmed. It’s not pleasant having two 6 month olds staring you in the eyes and crying from the top of their lungs. And what’s worse is you both are too big for me to safely pick up at one time and hold to comfort and console – it breaks my heart to know that I have to “choose” one of you in a particular moment. But after mommy has her pity party and “woe is me” moments, I think back to how badly we wanted you both, how daddy had his manhood carved and mommy’s body went through turmoil just so we could have you both in our lives.
I want you to know at 6 months, regardless of what I might say out of frustration to your crying, that you are loved. Your daddy is beaming every time he sees you and talks about you. Grandpa Wally and Granny Sue send text messages every other day requesting a picture for their “baby fix” and schemes of ways to make it down to Florida every other week. Aunt Becky STILL has your picture as her Facebook page and brags about how cute you both are. Our friends are excited to see you and buy you things and spend time with you. And most importantly, God loves you. At no point ever in your life should you feel that you are not surrounded by a network of love because at some point during the day everyone that knows you is thinking about you.
I’m not sure when it will really hit me that I’m a mother, as I still feel like I’m going through the motions. It was very surreal at your first doctor’s appointment while filling out the paperwork and I signed as “Guardian”. What an impressive term! I am excited at the little bond we’ll have forever. For the rest of your lives you will only know me as “Mommy”, and only you will know me as that(OK besides our dogs). Everyone else in the world knows me in another capacity whether it’s co-worker, friend, wife, sister, daughter, KB, Simonz. But you, my babies, the ones that were kicking me in my belly for 37 weeks, will only ever know me as your mother. Hopefully that’s something to be proud of, and hopefully I do a good job.
They say mothers don’t remember the hard times, the first 2 months of sleepless nights and days. While I was in those times I thought I would never forget how hard it was having two helpless babies and going through the motions sleepwalking. Now that you’re 6 months old, I’m a little sad to say I really don’t remember the 3am feedings, the sleepless nights, not knowing what your cries meant, and not having you smile and interact. Looking at pictures just from Thanksgiving 2 months ago I don’t remember you both being so bald! God has a way of making mothers forget the hard times and soak in the good times so we would want to do it all over again. I had an opportunity to give myself a pat on the back when Mrs. L had her baby. I received a text message from her “I’ve been meaning to tell you, that I have no idea how you did this with two…I feel bad for not being more available to you after the twins got here. I guess it’s one of those things you don’t understand until you go through it yourself.” Babies, I don’t remember it being difficult, surprisingly enough, even though I know it was.
I love how you both are growing into your own little personalities and people. Even at 6 months old you are distinct people, look different, act different, and have different temperaments. Olivia, while you are affectionately known as “the diva” both at home and at daycare you have the sweetest smile and giggle that melts my heart. Since you are “the diva” when you smile and giggle I know you mean it. I love how when mommy dresses you in a dress you know you look cute and you bat your eyes at anyone that will look at you. I love how you love your Macy pup and how you eagerly watch her move around the house and smile at her. You love to pet her and pull her hair, and because Macy loves you too she lets you. Everything has to be “just perfect” for my little girl whether it’s your outfit, your bottle temperature, or how I hold you. You’ll turn out to be just like me one day – just a little bit weary of everyone else because you know it could be done better your way.
Emmett, my little cheeks, you are an extremist. You can be the happiest baby and giggle out loud as daddy “nom nom nomns” on your belly. You’re so smart that you know what’s coming and you anticipate the tickles! You love bath time and kicking and splashing mommy as you swim in the tub. It’s our own special time where we can look each other in the eyes and just make each other smile. You also are extremely moody when you are tired. You enjoy playing so much that once you get tired there is no chance in consoling you. I’m excited that you want to spend so much time awake with mommy but I wish you would know what’s best for you like I do. It’s best for you to snuggle with your granny blanket, stick your fingers through the crochet holes, and go to sleep.
There will be a day, probably in the near future, that you both will not be as happy to see me. You will make friends, be playing intensely, or just having a good time without me that you will choose a toy over mommy. I will try not to take it personally and I will put on my brave face as it’s a stage of life. To see you happy and smiling is a wonderful moment. I cannot wait until you are happy and smiling at each other and seeing what special bonds you will have as brother and sister. Few in the world can say they have the twin bond. Daycare tells me on your daily report cards that you seek each other out, that you sit or play side by side and hold hands, and that when one of you is fussing the other one looks around to make sure you are OK. It warms my heart to hear of this love, I hope it continues and you take care of each other for the rest of your lives.
As you turn 6 months old remember this: you are loved, you are cherished, and I’m so happy you are mine. Happy milestone half birthday!
 |
| Happy Olivia |
 |
| 1 day old in the hospital 7/30/12 |
 |
| Happy Emmett |
