I'm a little behind in my posts so for 19 weeks pregnant our fruit was the MANGO! Todd requested a side shot to show there's a belly growing. And yes, it feels weird every week taking a picture in the produce department and people always look at me like I'm crazy.
For the 20 week picture, we are officially measuring head to foot (previously it was head to rump) so they are both 10.5 inches long which is the size of BANANAS and each baby weighs about 2/3 pound. I must I dont quite see how these bananas really make sense, you would think i'd be much bigger if i'm holding bananas in my belly.
I'm just feeling fat. There's no other way to explain it - I don't feel pregnant, I'm not with the cute "baby bump"...no, I think I just look fat. Maybe once the babies push out past my current belly I'll feel different but I'm mentally not feeling good about how I look. Which makes it even more frustrating when people touch my stomach. It feels to me like people walk up and are jiggling the belly, not feeling the babies since I don't see it. I don't know of a nice way to tell people to not approach me - there are people that it's like a target they hone in on as soon as they see me. I don't even let Todd touch my belly at home anymore, he's learned to ask if it's OK first. Todd recommended carrying a bag or a sweater and always have my arms crossed...then there's the option of wearing a t-shirt that says "I don't come up and grab your belly, give me the same courtesy"..but that's sassy.
I don't know if this is normal but I'm just really grumpy about being pregnant right now. I don't like people touching me, I don't like people asking me how I'm feeling especially if I just saw them yesterday, I don't want oodles of advice on diapers or sleeping patterns when I'm not asking for it. I just don't want to talk about it since I'm not feeling any different. Maybe it'll catch up with me and I'll wish I did pay attention to the advice or the stories but right now I'm just indifferent and going on with my normal life with the exception of shopping or room decorating. I don't want to be treated differently or have every conversation revolve around the babies. Hopefully it's just a phase, maybe when I "feel" pregnant it will change and the motherhood instinct will kick in. Or I'll just wait it out until I have one baby in each arm on the operating table and it will kick in then.
We did find out the sexes to try to kickstart that motherly vibe, I thought if I knew what they were it would help me connect with them. It did...for a few days. Then I thought if I started telling people then their excitement would bounce onto me so we started telling a select few...and that worked...for a few days. So then I thought if I told more people then it would really sink in...and that worked...for only a few hours. I'm just waiting for that lightning bolt "AHA" moment where I feel like a mother of twins and that realization that it's only 4 months away. What are we having? One of each!
On a different note, my dogs are great and they keep me energized every day. Macy is quite a handful but she's just the sweetest pup and really loves her mommy and wants to cuddle all of the time. I think they'll adjust to the babies really well - MacGyver will be the official "house protector" and attend to every cry and little noise the babies make. Macy will be the "hoover" and lick everything up that the babies spill and then lick their faces to make them giggle. And she'll probably play with all of their toys too and want to cuddle in their blankets. Builds the babies allergy tolerance early I guess.
Next appointment is Tuesday 4/3 for a general 20-week check up...weight check (ugggg), measurement, heartbeats, and Q&A. Anticipating an uneventful check up but there's officially less time than we started with and these appointments should get more interesting.
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